Tag Archives: Need for God

Convey My Heart

  I am simply writing this for the sake of  posterity, that perhaps maybe some good come to my children’s children.  Plato said ‘a wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something.’ I pray my speaking is a results of wisdom and not foolishness, and my transfer of thoughts to you will remain profitable;  ‘for Jesus himself testifieth a prophet  hath no honor in his own country,’  not that I am a prophet.
I have been home now for a few weeks, after a longterm stay in rehabilitation center and even in my family`s christian home, the world persists, as it does in I dare say, every home in the union. It is of no fault of their own, the world is the material, and we also are of the same material, so worldly material is easily disguised, and the cracks in the resistance  are born, and through the processes of time and nature the world has flooded the lives of the elect, and marred and distorted and ‘changed the truth into a lie.’  I speak as though it does not touch my shores, and  this is true in part, as the cracks begin to appear in my own levy; yet we are to ‘keep ourselves unspotted from the world,’ ‘hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.’  How are we to survive?
A man was recently, and forgive my spotty recollection, explaining to me why the early church had so much greater a power than this last days church. His theory was the early church’s power was a result of physical persecutions, whereas the church of today’s persecutions  are psychological in nature; you see the adversary will not make the same  mistake twice, and the evidence is found right before our eyes.
In Russia, before the fall of communism, there was a united church, albeit underground, and their power was greatly diminished at the fall of the iron curtain as denominations and doctrines rushed in with their worldy attachments, and carved the Russian church into sects and pieces. Their power was a result of their unity due to their physical persecution and their need and reliance on God.
As I sit here today I contemplate my need for God, I contemplate my own power in Jesus Christ as I recall my life two years ago, waking up and lying next to me in bed, was a woman who was pregnant with my child, a woman who only a month and two weeks earlier accepted my betrothal, when we exchanged the rings that united us before God.  I will never be able to explain, or recall in entirety the great fear I experienced, as I awoke; and the once alive, beautiful, child of God lay motionless,  without life and breath. Two years later I think of Jacob, as Genesis describes, his brother Esau was coming to meet him, and the Word of God describes Jacob being in great fear of his brother.  That night as his family passed over the ford Jabok, Jacob remained alone, in great fear, for he loved his family and could not bear to have them taken from him and killed before his eyes, as was a cruel custom in those days.  In great fear did Jacob wrestle with God, and it was that night his named was changed to Israel.
In great fear I awoke as my newly betrothed love lay lifeless, in great fear did I call upon the Lord, in great fear did I begin CPR, desperately and with all my all try to restore her life. So great was my fear that I  was forever changed by that moment, and like Jacob (who forever after ‘halted on his thigh’) I too received a token to remember it by.
I know another great fear, a fear that in my feebleness of language shall attempt to convey. After waking up that Saturday morning, a year and a half later,  I was strapped down to a bed in ICU (my 9th visit in my life to an ICU) tubes running everywhere, on life support, and a new perspective on life presented itself to me; even waking up in the same hospital, the same floor, and perhaps the same room that ultimately my love’s last breaths were breathed for her, gave me a new perspective. Whether or not that perspective is profitable for God remains to be seen. Whether or not this perspective  can help drive me towards perfection also remains to  be seen.
For all pain is profitable, and Solomon declares this in Ecclesiastes 7:3 ” sorrow is better than laughter for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.”  But I find myself disillusioned, and disconnected from this truth at times. I find myself in great fear even know, likened only by this sensation of feeling:  have you ever imagined yourself holding to a kite or a balloon that with a gust of wind begins to pull you away from this earth and into the air ever drifting further and further and further away from earth, and the fear is so great for if you let go, surely you will fall to the ground, instantly destroyed by the impact, and the longer you hold on the higher you climb and the more certain the destruction that awaits if you let go; and herein lies the great fear, for if I let go I will surely die and if I hang on I will surely die,  and every moment that passes the greater the fear becomes.
I tell you now, and God revealed this to me as I wrote this one week ago, that He is that kite or that balloon, and as I cling to Him, I cling to the only lifeline I have. For the Spirit speaks expressively that though I cannot see it, If I but trust in Him, He is lifting me out of my mess and carrying me through fog and uncertainty to a Higher Place, to a mountaintop just over the way there.  Just over there, but I cannot see it in the flesh, all I  see is the Earth and all the things I can cope with, and all my tricks and all my comfort zones disappearing further away from me, and if I let go now and fall back into them, I will surely die, but if I can but Hang On, and cling to that lifeline God is telling me I will be carried to a higher place and my ‘feet set on a solid rock,’ and as Peter so perfectly stated in I Pet 5:10 that Christ Jesus will ” After that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” What a great promise, Just hang on cause God is carrying you also through this suffering, and will set you on a foundation that only comes after one ‘suffers a while.’ A foundation of suffering that will make you perfect, establish you, strengthen you and settle you, saith GOD.

  God teach me to hang on, and help me to stay unspotted from this world and give me the courage that compels me toward you, resisting this world and diligently seeking you, in Jesus Name,



Retaining God

A heavy spirit weighs on me, and it is concerning those with itchy ears. Paul teaches us from the book of Romans about those who did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind. Why is it that people can never apply the Word spoken to them on Sunday mornings? Why can they never Retain God? Why are they leaky Christians? Am I a leaking Christian? Or do I retain God in my thoughts and my actions?
Jesus tells of the seeds that fell on different grounds, as we have well heard in Luke 8, but then I happened across this scripture, rather God blew His breath and turned the pages of my Bible to Ezekiel 33. In verse 30 God is speaking to Ezekiel how the people are talking against Ezekiel, and they say ‘come and hear what is the word that cometh forth from the Lord.’ (v.31) ‘ And they come unto thee as the people cometh and they sit before thee as my people and they hear thy words, BUT they will not do them: for with their mouth they shed much love, but their heart goeth after their covetousness. (v.32) And lo, thou art unto them as a very lovely song of one that hath a pleasant voice, and can play well on an instrument: for they hear thy words, but they do them not.

For they hear thy words and do them not. Preachers have become to them as a lovely entertainer, as they have come to seek an emotional experience, but when they leave the church, they straightway forget what manner of people they are. For some there is no change, they come and are entertained, they become hearers only and not doers, deceiving their own selves. There is a sin that has crept in the churches across this country, people have become blind to themselves, they have become deceived. ‘For this cause GOD shall send a strong delusion,’ GOD wants to know who will love Him, ‘the Lord your God proveth you, to know whether ye will love the Lord thy God will all thine heart and with all thine soul.’ God wants to know who will pursue Him. ‘Who WILL BEHOLD His Face in Righteousness?’ Who will dare to be Holy? HOLINESS, we don’t even say the word anymore. Jesus said ‘be zealous therefore and repent,’ He said, ‘Suppose ye that I have come to give peace on earth? I tell you NAY, Rather DIVISION, YE hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky and of the earth, but how is it that ye cannot discern this time?’

This is an imminent call, to shed the things of this world, ‘be ye ready therefore also: for the Son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.’  The church is asleep; the church is asleep, and their Pastors are sleeping too. There must be a standard, there must be a trumpet sound, there must be a call to ‘be ye separate.’  ‘Come out from among them,’  Pastors and Congregations, when the world sees us they must see Jesus, when the world hears us, they MUST hear Jesus, we must be distinguished, WE must ‘be HOLY for HE IS HOLY!’
And if ‘Judgement first begins at the house of GOD,’ we must be above reproach in every area of our life, what we watch, what we listen to, who we associate with, our very lives must be a balance, a balance that is leaning towards God, if a ‘false balance is an abomination,’ what are our checkbooks before God? Is my checkbook balanced? Or am I 99% carnal? Is my life wasted in pursuit of self, money spent on only this world and the material in nature.  Jesus said ‘I counsel to thee to buy of me gold; provide for yourselves treasures which wax not old where no thief can steal nor moth corrupt.’  Buy Gold of Jesus, that has been’tried in the fire,’ not the gold of this world which ‘passeth away.’ Peter warns us that ‘through covetousness they with feigned words shall make merchandise of you,’ Church,  we are being made merchandise of, through our own covetousness. Rid ourselves of this world, ‘love not this world, nor the things in it, for if any man love this world the love of the Father is not in him.’ ‘And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing (the world) to thy hand: that the Lord may turn from the fierceness of His anger.’
Praise God for the Light, “it was at the cross at the cross, where I first saw the light, where the burdens of my soul were rolled away and it was there by faith I received my sight, and now I am happy all the day.”
Retain GOD everyday, lead the way and lets leave this world behind.

p.s.  If anyone is wondering how to buy Gold from Jesus Christ, let me encourage you to begin to seek to balance your life and finances in Godly balance; looking to ministries such as ‘Kids Around the World’ for an everlasting investment into the Kingdom of Heaven if you have abundance, if not, doing something good for someone else without any selfish thoughts of return is a good start, and I pray the rewards will encourage repetition, and ultimately habit.